In the Footsteps of a Peter
by Annikaya
Summary: Peter reflects on his name and the man that he never thought he would become. He had been warned once...


_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I make no profit from this story. Anyway, I hope you like this. I worked really hard on it and I was really hesitant of whether I should post it at all just because it's not like my usual stuff. If you've read anything else I've written I think you'll see why at the end._

He thought now, at the end when it was all over, that he deserved the name of rat. The name of betrayer. The name of Peter.

He remembered that night so many years ago when he was young and innocent and naive. He hadn't known then what would happen, what he would do. He hadn't believed the Sorting Hat when it had told him. The hat had spoken with such certainty and cool unfeeling surety. The Hat was said to never make mistakes but Peter had insisted with foolhardy youth and idealism that it had been wrong. Who ever heard of a hat making prophesies or telling fortunes, even in the wizard world? He was the master of his own destiny.

But later, he was so afraid and uncertain. He was mad at James and Lily, jealous of their love and happiness. Jealous of the way they got everything so easily.

And there was a knock on his door one night.

It was so easy to betray them and be safe from his own fear and honored and praised for once.

He had forgotten about Sirius, forgotten that he would know. When he remembered, he was afraid again and trapped. He hadn't wanted this. He hadn't wanted Sirius to hate him, hadn't wanted to betray him too. But some little part of him told him that Sirius deserved it. Sirius had never respected Peter, never thought he was brave or clever or funny like James. And everybody liked Sirius.

And it was his own life on the line. He knew when Sirius got mad that he didn't think straight. It had been almost easy to play upon that and leave the man standing in a street full of dead muggles with aurors fastly approaching.

The third time...the third time he betrayed Remus, the last of his friends. He hadn't meant to betray Remus either. Remus had always liked him, always stood up for him when James or Sirius started teasing him too much. Remus who was out of work and had to give up so much over something he had no control over. Remus who had always been so good at teaching him when he didn't understand.

Peter lost him his teaching job and almost made him lose his soul. He knew Remus would never have forgiven himself if he'd accidentally bitten someone. But because Peter had been found in Hogwarts, Remus had come to find him. And of course, Peter had run when the opportunity had afforded itself, leaving Sirius a wanted man still.

He hated himself.

He hated the desperate despairing thing he had made of Sirius Black. He hated the quiet lonely look he'd seen in Remus' eyes. He hated the hard independence that had been forced into Harry Potter's every feature. Then Peter thought of what the Sorting Hat had said.

He thought sometimes of another Peter he had heard of once, long before he'd ever heard of the Marauders or Hogwarts or magic. There was another Peter who had betrayed goodness three times only to return to that path he had left and work to make amends. He had been accepted back.

But Peter Pettigrew did not think he could ever be accepted back. He knew he would never forgive himself and he had not earned that from anyone else either. He thought of the things he had done, the people he had killed and the ones he had betrayed. He thought of the great evil he had done and the good that he had turned from.

And he went out and wept bitterly.

_For those of you who didn't understand, I actually borrowed a lot of this from the Christian Bible, as I was comparing Peter Pettigrew to Peter the disciple of Christ. I usually try not to talk about religion with other people just because I think it should remain a personal thing but this presented such interesting parallels. I really don't care if Peter Pettigrew is religious or believes in God or anything. I was just thinking that as a character from history and in a widely popular book (i.e. the Bible) even if Peter Pettigrew isn't religious he would be aware of the other Peter. Anyway, I hope no one was offended. I wasn't trying to preach to anyone or anything. I know I refuse in most cases to even read anything labeled as religious online. But if I'd warned you would you have read this?_

Matthew 26:69 Through 26:76


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